A path to self-discovery.

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The last couple of months have been mind numbing. I’ve been trying, and my I add with little to no success, to seek for a way to calm the chaos that is my mind. I’m planning a wedding and all the stresses that come with it, I want to become a successful investor, become a photographer, become a youtuber, start a podcast, start streaming on Twitch, be Instagram/Twitter/Facebook famous, travel the world, have a white picket fence on an off the grid ranch, go off-roading with my mates, make a hobby of building trucks, become a writer, eat healthier and on top of all that I want to perform Iron mans, triathlons, become an endurance athlete, all while trying to grow the company I currently work for.

All these thoughts have been racing and crashing inside my head, it is both a blessing and a curse. I feel as if I have been sleeping for the past 10 years of my life, and someone just ripped a blindfold from my eyes, and I now I’m seeking who I am or in other words, who I want to become.

When I was a kid, I would LOVE to read. I had a desk with a bookshelf that had a blue leather covered encyclopedia for each letter of the alphabet. I would immerse myself for hours at a time, and when I was in school I would constantly be checking out new books from the library. I was reading about everything and anything. If we fast forward the years until this past one, I couldn’t recall when was the last time that I had picked up a book of my choosing. Since that awful thought came to my mind I’ve tried to read as much as I can. In occasion I can totally immerse myself into a book, but recently I can’t keep my mind quiet enough to read a couple of sentences.

I began to research and found on the internet that exercising is one of the best ways to calm the mind. In late 2007 my family and I moved to a small town in Mexico. In the months to follow, my Dad gave me a bicycle, it was a light blue Bridgestone road bike, with yellow lines on the face of the tires. This became my means of transportation, I would go practically every where on the bike, and grew a love for biking. This was lost when I started High school, It wasn’t the “cool” thing to do. So, I’ve been going on occasional bike rides, and joined a spinning class at my Gym. Now that I think of it, I haven’t gone in the last couple of weeks. I’m telling Siri to remind me to get my gear ready tomorrow (the classes are Mondays and Wednesdays).

The reason I haven’t been to my spinning classes lately is because I’ve started running again, first inspired by Casey Neistat who has made very public his love for running and how much of a meditating effect it has for him, and secondly because my fiancé kicked my ass in the last half-marathon she did last month we were supposed to run it together, but because of my lack of consistent training I couldn’t even run 5km! I’m currently running 8mi at about a 10:00 mi pace, it’s not the best in the world but hey, I’m working on it. Running has helped me these past couple of weeks to clear my head, but only for about a mile or two then I start to focus on the pain in my legs.

Being totally honest, when I started writing this “blog” (I think I’m going to call these journal entries, idk we’ll see) I felt the chaos in my mind, and since I’ve started to write this post, all of my thoughts started to fall in order.

I think I’ve found what I’ve been looking for…

-Miguel